So, this is a favor for a friend, but I figure anyone else who wants in on the info, will enjoy it to...if that's anyone...
So here are the "Backround thoughts" to the songs on my CD "Blankets of Emotion"
1.) The Paige Song- Paige is one of the funnies people i have ever met in my life, The song is about 1st times for everything, but also it has so many hidden meanings in it. This song is my most "Clever song" The meanings are in places that no one would realize and I like it that way, it holds a special place in my heart, as does Paige. But it also has to do with letting people go. Letting friends move on, drifiting away and moving to new friends. No matter what you do or say, there is a point in life where you have to let people go. This song was my way of letting go and growing up...realizing it was time to branch out and make new friends, while remembering the sweet times i had shared with my best friends to date.
:)
2.) Beautiful Girl- Beautiful Girl is one of the most honest songs I think i have ever written. It's a song about wanting someone and coming to t erms with the fact that you're not always going to be #1. There's going to be someone taller, thinner, nicer, hotter, and ....no matter what you do....short of changing yourself, you're left hopeless sometimes. I wrote it in between relationships, a little about the ex boyfriend and a little about the guy I liked...Neither one of them gave me the attention I felt I deserved and I was frustrated. I felt like not only am i not the most beautiful girl in the world, but there is someone out there better....someone out there they desire more than me...
A lot of it is about defining a relationship. I wanted a "name" on things. I was tired of being wishy washy. "I'm only famous in your bed" what a controversial line for me. hahahha....the line really is just a meaning that I'm only your favorite when we're alone, aside from that I'm not the most beautiful girl. But The line in every chorus is "Foolishly I believe you'll turn around and my prayers will turn out alright" I just wanted to be loved in a selfless way. Foolishly I believed I could change someone. No worries, I've learned my lesson!
3.)ENOUGH- Ah. The refreshing, I'm walking away from heartbreak song. Its when you're head and your heart don't agree and all you want is someone...the song is about the little things. The blankets, the routine of life, the way feet touch when you snuggle, its about the simplicity of relationships. But then its wondering why in the world you can't let go of the little things and remember the big things that happen that drive you away. Its knowing your better off without someone, but never wanting to face it. Again, missing "whatever sort of rtelationship we've had" its the "defining" things. I wanted a name. I wanted a title. and I couldn't have one. I just wanted to move on so badly and the thought of someone you want is just hanging in your head.
Towards the end I talk abotu the frustrations of not being able to come up with the words to explain tosomeone. I didn't want them to understand me, I wanted hiim to change his mind.
"I love you is too much, but i like you's not enough" - Best line i've ever written. Most honest and deepest line. But yet, along with the song....simple. I wouldn't marry you, but i dont wanna let you go forever either.
Confusion is basically where I was at...but at the end of the song, I "let go" I've missed you enough means, im done missing.
4.) Lonely Anymore- Exactly what it sounds like. I sat on my friend Alex's driveway one starry night and he supported me as I wrote this song. We both laughed as we sulked in our loneliness. He helped me realize I didn't need a guy, I didn't need a new home, I didn't need anything else, I had everything I needed. He saved me from the monster that was eating me....But it was a cry to God to do the same. I needed the "im not good enough monster" to go away. I didn't want to be lonely. I realized that night that God was big enough to make me okay with myself. I didn't go home that night. we laid on the driveway and talked about God. This is a daily battle for me, wanting to not be lonely and wanting a place to be my own. ...I've grown a lot since I've written this song, The struggle is not as strong, but there were a lot of tears that night...and I'll never forget our friend Ryan playing Harmonica with me, i couldn't finish my own song cause it sounded so good with him there.
5.) Wishes- This song is about wishing.... Plain and simple. The words are pretty up front, I liked him and he had no idea, i simply wanted so badly to know if he even felt remotely the same. We were "great friends" and I wondered if he EVER thought of me different. He hadn't and once I told him things got strange. hahaha....the end is mean. I said it pretty straight that I was sick of the games and being tricked and ...so long to you. I acted like a badass. Turns out Im still with him 3 years later. hahahahah. :) But it applies to a lot of relationships, just the wishing for someone before they know and the "obsession" that it becomes, you think about them so much! Back and forth and upsidedown, all the possibilities.....My mind always does that when i find potential in someone. That's what it's about. :)
6.) Sweet Dreams- A love song. If I knew tomorrow wouldn't come, these were the words I needed to say to him. I needed him to know. There really is no explanation other than i felt I could go to sleep and not worry he wouldn't know the way I felt if I never woke up. I was going through a really tough time, and somedays I didn't know if tomorrow was going to come...He was my saving grace and this song told the story. If you listen to the bass line, it sounds like a funeral march, I was unaware of that when I wrote it, but realized later, that it was powerful to a lot of poeple. :)
7.) The Price You Pay- Its the breakup song...I wrote it MAD at the world. Its don't make fun of me, dont bring me down to a bad person, but stop expecting so much from me when you just broke my heart! I knew I could never be mad at the person I wrote this for forever. I'd always have a place in my heart for him and whatever, thats the price you pay when you start relying on someone and feel they're perfect, you come to find that they're not...and you're let down.
It was a therapeutic song for me, it let me let go. my voice usually goes away when I sing it and im usually worn out....and that's how i felt when I wrote it. Worn out and just done.
8.) Scream- Scream is a call out to God. That if he wants my innocence, He needs to tell me how to keep it, cause I was losing it. I wanted so badly to be good and innocent but then there were so many temptations in my life at that point to just give in to a lot of things. It's a song that is calling out to God to just GET THROUGH to me, whatever he had to do, get through. I needed him to scream, but it was in realization of the Cross, and all of creation that he had screamed. He had given me everything I could hope for....and I was the one missing it! He had screamed, i just had to listen. Upon realizing that, I found that my task at hand, was to encourage other people to listen. And thats why it says "God for your name I want nothing but to scream" I want to tell people about Jesus, forgiveness and all the amazing things that come with Christ, but come also with a price of challenging ourselves to keep our innocence.
Hope this is good enough explanation for you....there are new songs, hopefully a new cd coming...If you want to hear the songs, go to facebook and look me up ashleigh douglas and there should be a flag by my name, all my songs are on my fan website. Be a fan of me :)
LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE
Im not a negative person, its just that music is the way i express negative stuff, so i come off that way!
Ashleigh
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