The past couple weeks have been some of the most challenging and the worst of my life.
I just need somewhere to get this all out. I hate my job(s) Can I say that? Can I hate ministry? I thought I would love it I thought I would make it fun, I thought I could get through this. I hate coaching.
No one showed up for middle school last night....now I know its not about numbers, but it is when the attendance is 0. High school was 5. my 5 regulars who proceeded to tell me confirmation class was boring and they are bored with it. I've run out of ideas. I'm sitting here, emotionally and spiritually drained with no faith in a God who got me here and I have nowhere to go.
In the past year we have had 5 girls quit pom. For reasons that I am unaware of ( just not fun anymore, grades are dropping, my uncle is dying, that one was a lie, and family issues) the 6th is about to quit because she doesn't like her place in the competition routine formation. Her mom called and said unless she gets put in the front, she's quitting....awesome. I'm not okay with letting someone threaten me and having control over the way I coach. My other coach, who I love deeply, thinks that we should change the formation because we can't lose anymore girls, considering we go to competition in less than 1 week. ?!?!?!?!?!?!? I just don't agree, but I don't want to lose anymore girls either....I guess there are rumors going around about our coaching and how we must be doing something terribly wrong because a lot of people are quitting....but all we've tried to do was push them to be their best. They wanted 1st place adn we've tried to get them there.
I'm ready for an 8-5 m-f job and a personal life with people who understand me. I want the pressure of being a youth minister and a coach to be gone. I can't stand it and it is making me into a bitter faithless person. I am not where I want to be but is it possible to serve God outside the church? I've convinced myself "no." But I want to so bad. I want to so so so so so bad. One year. That's the time when I decide. I can't go on like this much longer.
Ashleigh
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4 comments:
Okay, girlfriend. Deep breath!! That's right. One more. Okay... ahhh...
Now. I can't help you with pom but I have ab-so-luuuutely been where you are at with YM.
My guess is that you have run out of ideas for making confirmation work better because you are looking at it from one vantage point- if you look at the problem from a different angle, things will change, I betcha.
So, maybe, start here: think about your outcome goals. Your goal presently may be something like "to get them prepared for Confirmation" but look differently at the issue: what do you want your kids to think/know/feel about the church when they graduate HS and move on? Now with THOSE goals in mind, how can you re-point your confirmation program to reflect those goals?
That's just a wee place to start. And I have to say in alllll honesty and urgency, I want you to go to Amazon.com right now and order "The Godbearing Life" Here's the link in fact: http://www.amazon.com/Godbearing-Life-Tending-Youth-Ministry/dp/0835808580/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1199732625&sr=8-1
Order it right now and when it gets to you, sit down and read it right away. It will give you strength and inspiration for ministry so much that your heart will grow three sizes bigger.
Please feel free to call me for help if you wanna, Kate D has my numba or you can email me. I'll be praying for you!!!!!!!
You asked the question "Can you really serve God outside the church?" I'm not encouraging you to quit by any means, but you absolutely can serve God outside the church. In fact it's more relevant and important to serve God outside the church because that's where the people are who don't know God and need that influence. Ideally, Christians should be serving God in every aspect of their life. I think what you do as youth minister is extremely important, no matter how frustrating it can be. I also know that it is extremely difficult, judging by the fact that that particular church hasn't been able to keep one for more than about a year. Keep praying, God will give you direction. I think He'll make it clear to you whether you are to stay or go, but don't put God in a box, He works everywhere, not just church. As far a poms, I think you are right on with that. I understand where the other coach is coming from, but trust me that will open a honkin' pandora's box and set a precedent that you don't want. I hope you'll stand your ground on that one. Love you lots, and will be praying for direction in your life. Hopefully this will end up being just a little bump in the road!
I am sitting her in my cube at church and just typed "I Hate Ministry" into google, and this popped up. I am newly ordained pastor and should really be enjoying this stuff right? But I am absolutely not. So at least know that someone else out here hate it too and we'll try again tomorrow, I guess.
Just thoughts from somebody who has coached (not Pom – which I assume is a Midwestern term for cheerleading – but hockey, softball, baseball, basketball) for 30+ years and done youth ministry……..
About the Pom issue – you are clear about what the “right” decision is, and you can see the undesirable results of not standing your ground. Just as Margo suggested you re-look at your ministry goals but from a different view-point, that may help here too.
1st place – a nice long range goal, so long as the girls understand and accept that there must be a commitment made to a list of shorter range goals (mastery of skills that must be achieved) before the long range goal can have a chance.
There is a story in the Bible about two of Jesus’s followers who tell him they want to be his top guys, and sit on his right and left when he comes into power. He suggests to them that they do not understand what they are asking for, what the ramifications of that request truly are.
Maybe you can use this point of view when confronting the girl (and/or maybe the mother). They think they want a particular favor, and that will make them happier. But remind them what the groups goals are (which certainly didn’t identify specific girls in the front line), how working on the short range requirements is the way to get what you want, how if you were to put her there now it would undermine the whole process, and if you give in to her demands or if she quits – how either action might start a sequence of undesirable consequences for everybody including herself. She likely will not get the results that she had expected. Let her know that the decision she makes can either give the group their best chance at achieving their goal, or that it can sabotage the entire group effort leaving her with undesirable consequences that she probably doesn’t want to deal with. Does she want to be seen as a hard working cooperative team-mate to her friends, or a selfish brat who doesn’t care what happens to others so long as she gets her way? Leave it with her to decide.
She may still quit, but you would have modeled to her (and everybody else involved) a good lesson of fairness and of “doing the right thing”. This is working for God outside of Church. You stand strong in your beliefs, you teach others what it will take to achieve desirable results in life, you challenge them to re-evaluate their motives and morals, and you exercise your power with compassion and love. That is Christianity in action for the outside world to witness.
A rich young man told Jesus that he really wanted to secure a place in Heaven and wanted to know what to do assure it (he had a long range goal). Jesus told him to get rid of everything he owns and to follow Him (commitment to a list of shorter range goals). When confronted with the reality of these commitments, the young man quit and sadly walked away. Jesus did not fight or argue with him, nor did He bend the rules for him. He did use the moment as a teaching opportunity for others. And, as it is the eternal truth that we too often never know the positive effect we have on others, we never learn if the rich young man went away and contemplated what Jesus had said and sometime later accepted the advice and changed his life. Whether or not he did, I bet the encounter and the conversation stuck with the man for the rest of his life.
Unfortunately, the Pom competition is here now – so you may have to suffer the embarrassment of everybody’s efforts falling far short of first place, or of having to pull out of the competition entirely. But every failure can be a step towards winning if important lessons are learned in the process. There is always next year and another 1st place to strive for. You are the teacher and now is your moment of truth (which btw is dealing with the consequences of the commitment you made when you declared your desire for this position of power. The two Jesus followers were not granted their wish because they were not ready or able to successfully carry out the responsibility – but you were granted yours, so you must be both ready and able)
Failure is not in the falling down, but in the refusal to get back up.
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