A lot about my job, my life, my future, that scrapbook I'm trying to do...and I truly have come to realize I am never gonna get it.
I talked to Fr. Mike and Sr. Virginia about my struggles, odds are I just needed to get it all off my chest. I talked to the principal about how can we get kids coming to youth groups, i talked to parish council....I talked. I told people. Sunday is only a few days away. We'll see what happens. I don't hate my job. I don't hate ministry, i just don't know how much longer I want to do it professionally. But regardless, it's where I am right now, and I have kids that are trusting me and looking at me for guidance to Jesus. And I have convinced myself that until I do my best, I have not done my job. So i press on.
My life...Isn't it amazing how a song can bring back memories of past? I was listening to Graham Colton Band today "Morning Light " It took me back to a kitchen in a high school in South Carolina, it took me back to long long long bus rides and intense talks with people who were strangers merely weeks before,
it took me back to a summer love that IS OVER. Why can we not remember the ending but only the good times when we hear music? I made the choice...I am happy....but still I remember the rush of good conversation, a summer of questions and traveling around the East Coast with 10 of the most amazing people I have ever met. Swimming, running, singing, dancing, praising God....What an amazing and emotional 30 minute ride to Hannibal with that song on repeat can make.
" Everything you feel.saying what is real. Dont go away. Say you'll stay til the morning light, and don't fade away into gray standing in the light. I tried to smile and laugh as you turned away but I was bleeding. Everyting I feel. I make believe is real. Dont go away. Say you'll stay til the morning light. "
But it was good. All of it. It was good.
As for my future I finally feel that I know where it lies. I went to Edwardsville for the weekend. We competed in Pom, got 3rd place which is alright, it was our first competition. But I went with that on hand but the majority of my excitement landed in seeing Christopher...I basically slept for the 4 days I was there. I have never felt so sick in my life. Couldn't taste, smell, breathe...I was coughing like crazy....stupid stupid stupid. But he rubbed my head, didn't wake me up, made me oatmeal, warmed up my car when I had to be at competition at 7 a.m., found me cough drops tissues and always made sure my toes were covered when I was sleeping....and I love him. I cried for appx. 1 hour after i left cause I am so sick of leaving him. I know its kind of babyish, but I just want to see him for once without the minutes that I have left passing by so quickly everytime I am there. But whatever. I was more upset because unless I go back this weekend ($$$$) I won't see him til March 8th. :0!!! Yikes. It's not even Feb. yet! So anyways, point being...I'm ready for him to be done with school, ready to figure out our lives and ready...just ready to be able to be with him for longer than 3 days with a 2 month break in between.
He makes me happy.
As for everything else in my life...I for the most part cannot complain. I have realized over the last week how blessed I am, I just need to be focusing on the blessings instead of the things that are bugging me. I thought i learned that a long time ago.
Christopher's sister asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding this Summer :) HOORAY!
Now I just have to decide if I am going to be on team for CHWC again this summer.?!!?!?
We shall see. we shall see.
No comments:
Post a Comment